Naval says that desire is something that makes you unhappy until it is fulfilled. Having too many desires is not wise. Choose one desire, and let the others go.
But desire, to me, is a contract that you make with yourself to be unhappy until you get what you want. And I keep that in front of mind. So when I’m unhappy about something, I look for what is the underlying desire that I have that’s not being fulfilled. It’s okay to have desires. You’re a biological creature, and you’re put on this earth, you have to do something, you have to have desires, you have a mission.
But don’t have too many. Don’t pick them up unconsciously. Don’t pick them up randomly. Don’t have thousands of them. My coffee’s too cold, doesn’t taste quite right. I’m not sitting perfectly. Oh, I wish it was warmer. You know. My dog, you know, pooped in the lawn, I don’t like that. Whatever it is. Pick your one overwhelming desire. It’s okay to suffer over that one, but on all the others, do you want to let them go so you can be calm and peaceful and relaxed? And then you’ll perform a better job.
Recently, while dealing with fire-safety issues and problems at work, I have found myself unconsciously sliding into anxiety and depression. It feels as if I cannot be happy unless things are completely resolved. This is very harmful.
Problems keep emerging, and solving problems takes time. So the right approach is: whether or not the problem has been solved, continue living normally. Give each matter enough patience. Communicate gently but firmly, so as to avoid conflicts with others and the intense emotional swings they can trigger. Take it slowly. I know patience consumes energy, but anxiety consumes even more. In any situation, there is no need to trade my physical health for a solution. That was the old, bad pattern.
Past experience has shown that things do get resolved, and often turn out better than I expected. This is an objective fact, and this matter will not be an exception. So I should not become an extreme pessimist. There is no need to consume my physical health for no good reason.
Another important point is that, as long as I am willing to spend enough money and energy, many things can be handled by myself. There is no need to spend my body.
So I need to establish some principles:
- If something can be solved with money, solve it with money.
- If I can solve it myself, do not spend time and energy pushing others.
- If I do need to push others, stay optimistic and patient.
- Accept loss of control and failure, as well as the imperfection of the world.